late night pondering

I sit here tonight, awaiting the parents of a couple kids I babysit to come home and let me return to my house and fall into bed.

I am so tired. And I still have another 30+ hours of babysitting booked over the next week.

Tonight, amidst the chaos that is my life lately, I sit here pondering what is to come. I feel absolutely terrified. I feel run down. I feel doubt. I feel like there is something horrible coming my way and I'm not even close to being prepared for it. I feel as though I'm not ready to move forward. But at the same time, I can't wait to just go and get on with it.

And that is why I feel joy and peace, knowing my Jesus was born into this world of evil and died bearing my sins; to make all of that okay, and to give me the ability to press on, knowing He's got this.

Tonight I feel. Tonight I ache. Tonight I wonder. Tonight I choose to accept His sovereignty. Tonight, and every night, I belong to Him.

sometimes he says "no".

I've learned something this past month, beyond hearing it and knowing it's true, rather than having it actually happen to me.

Sometimes God says no.

I know, I know. I should know this by now.

But I've never really had Him tell me no quite so bluntly and clearly, and then back up His answer with so many sound reasons; reasons that he showed me.

You see, after dinner with the aforementioned boy, I felt odd. I felt just, at war with myself. If this was supposed to be, why did I feel so awful?

I brushed it off and just assumed it was me getting nervous about it actually happening. 

I prayed, after dinner, "Lord, if these feelings aren't of you, take them away. I don't want anything to do with them if they're not what you want."

The next morning, all desire to have a boyfriend who was that serious, to be in a relationship, to be dating, was gone. I had no urge to text him. The only explanation for it was Christ. My heart was changed overnight; I went to bed dreaming of his adorable face and woke up wishing I didn't have to deal with this right now.

I'm still asking Him why, but He gave me some clarity at a party this weekend. No one is ready for such a fast moving, intense relationship at 17 these days. I wish we were; that's how God created it to be; us to marry and have kids young, but the reality is that's not how it works anymore.

I'm an old soul, as you all know. I don't think like the average 17 year old (most of the time) and I rarely relate with other "average" 17 year olds. Teens in general, to be honest. But I digress; I'm an old soul, and he is too, to an extent, but he still has a long way to go before he's ready to take on the hurricane that is Ruthanne, not because he's necessarily immature, but because he's 17. I want a man, y'all. I don't want a boy  who can shave. I want a man who will pick up his cross daily and bear it; knowing it won't always be easy. I want someone who will accept me for everything I am; good and bad, and I want someone who I can love everything about, because the person they are is so much more than their flaws, and they know who they are in Christ. 

He just isn't there. And it breaks my heart; it was too good to be true, right now. But sometimes, He says no.

That being said, there is no perfect time to jump into a relationship. If the Lord brings you to it, He will bring you through it. But I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that He is telling me no right now. And it's so amazing how one triumph in one struggle brings you to a new struggle; I'm content with being single and "free" right now, really, really, really content, and I can't go or do anything yet. I'm still stuck here, waiting for Him to give me my next move. But it's all part of His plan for my life. The growing pains that come with getting older.

merry merry.

merry christmas, dear readers.

giveaway: win a handmade knot headband!

Hey y'all! Guess what? Remember how I promised a giveaway? WELLLLLL....

It's HERE! I wanted to thank ALL of you SO MUCH for sticking with me this year. Your encouraging words have meant so much to me, and just knowing people actually read what I say and care...that's pretty great. I appreciate all of you so much!

So...you get to enter to win this crocheted knot headband made by me JUST for YOU! Exciting stuff, if you ask me. I have made so many of these this year for gifts, and really, they're my new favorite thing. I probably have 6 different colors just for myself...it's a problem, I know. But they're so comfortable, and so easy to wear, and if it's FREEZING where you live like it is here (most mornings it's between 10 + -8...brr!) you'll appreciate this cute addition to your wardrobe. 

So, here's where you get to get all your entries in. The giveaway will last until midnight on December 31st.  So...get busy, invite your friends, share on your facebook, post a picture on instagram and tag it, whatever you want to do. 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

winter wonderland + hey there

Hi there, friends!

I'm dropping in for a moment or two to tell you that I will be hosting a giveaway later this week - so keep your eyes out! It's going to be great! :)

Annnd...look at how pretty my little street looks right now! It's been snowing off and on for the past few days, and is supposed to keep up until Christmas! So very excited! I love white Christmases. 

I'm off to bed now - I promise I'll work on stopping in more! Really :)

xoxo, Ruthanne

what I wore.

this is a new series I will be doing - nothing fancy. just simple everyday outfits that I put together. not even pictures taken with my "big girl camera". makes it less stressful, I think.

here's round one. details above. 

xoxo, Ruthanne

the boy is on his way.

Y'all. 

A boy is on his way to my house right now to have dinner with my family and I.

I am so excited, yet so terrified at the same time.

I'm about to cross the line of fantasizing about this day and it actually happening; not just because I want a date, but because he wants to pursue me. Really pursue me. 

Say a prayer for me if you think of it...I'm a teensy nervous about him meeting my daddy. And about the whole evening. I keep pinching myself. This is really happening...holy cow. I'm growing up...I'm not just imagining moving into adulthood. I'm almost there. Good Lord.

I'll fill y'all in as soon as I can,.

xoxo, Ruthanne

the week in review.

Whew. What a week I had. It was kind of cray cray, y'all. Hehe. Ready for an update?

Wednesday

I met my friend at starbucks and caved to a venti pumpkin spice latte. I know. Bad me. My hair cooperated wonderfully. I saw the boy. He blew me a kiss as I drove out of the church parking lot. Melted my heart, per usual.

 I also made 80 crab ravioli from scratch. 

Thursday

It rained all day. All day. I had worship practice.We sang Christmas songs - my favorite. But I was glad to go home and get to bed...only after talking to him for half an hour. hehe.

Friday

was spent shopping for Christmas decor for the church with these two boys and my worship pastor and his wife. They're insane. (like my headband? new hobby - going to give one or two away in a couple weeks - stay tuned!!)

Saturday

was spent at the church decorating with aforementioned decorations. It turned out real spiffy though, so I can't complain about being there all day. And I had a blast with my wonderful "brothers"...hanging lights and ornaments and almost dying and all that jazz. The rain let up for a while...until it got dark.

Sunday

I had worship at 7:30 am. It was pouring, guys. Pouring. I woke up to ten flood warnings on my phone. I was glad we were at 6,000 feet above sea level where our house is because it was bad. Haven't gotten this much rain in a long time. I also wore my lovely new pink coat and polka dot scarf. It was great. On top of all that, I, along with a bunch of my friends, went up to Mavis' after church for brunch and to help her decorate her house for Christmas, since her recent surgery has left her unable to maneuver heavy boxes. 

But not before Rachel and I stopped for starbucks and snapped this super adorable photo.

When I got home from all of the earlier events, the previous owner of my car was there to finish the paperwork. After he was done, I went to fill it up the first time, and I also put my amazing car kit my best friend sent me for my birthday in it. Equipped with princess band-aids and goldfish, I will never be too stuck. 

I then spent the evening decorating our house for Christmas.  Part of our mantel display, and a favorite ornament. 

Monday

I enjoyed a couple hours spent with my sweet friend Rachel. I snapped this picture of her...she probably will text me in a minute to scold me. Deal with it. And then I spent an hour face timing Rebekah. It was supposed to be a quick 15 minute call..but..uh. We don't do quick.

Took the "scenic route" above downtown to the post office to see this pretty view. Don't tell anyone I snapped a pic while driving! Oops.

And today...well. Today is fresh, with no mistakes in it, and I plan to make the most of it. 

(please tell me you caught my Anne of Green Gables quote.)

xoxo, Ruthanne

mentally allergic.

Just got done with a two hour face time date with my best friend. She said this. So obviously I had to do something about it in photoshop. duh. It's so true though. 

xoxo, Ruthanne

life lately.

Tonight is one of those when I want to simply stop time for a second. 

So many things are happening right now and I just want a minute to step back and breathe. Sit at the piano and play...sing and worship without worrying about what's coming next. Here's what's been going on in my life lately.

Only a few more months of school.

There's someone special in my life and I don't even know how that happened. But he's kind of great. And I think he's going to be around for a while...or more. I'll give y'all a teaser. He's tall :) 

Some friendships are enduring tough times, while others are flourishing more than ever before.

I got a car. Kind of. 

I'm looking at a worship schools still and legitimately discussing moving with two of my best friends. Eek.

I realized that this year is probably the last one I will spend with my family as their child. Next year is adulthood. How?

I bought this pink coat. And I'm really excited about it. Don't know why, but a bright pink coat for the cold winter days makes me happy.

Our nanny is moving away. And I am so sad about it. Even though my parents hired her to take care of the littles, she's been like a big sister to me this past year. And I am so thankful for the time we've spent.

I can't believe Christmas is almost here. Time to start shopping and blessing those I love. So exciting!

I spent all of Friday night throwing my guts up from the flu. Still haven't fully gotten my strength back..but hey, what an easy way to ditch 5 pounds, huh?

I'm playing guitar more and more. Writing again, finally. Inspiration is back. 

Even though the future is terrifying me right now, I can't wait for what the Lord is about to do in my life. 

xoxo, Ruthanne

happy thanksgiving, y'all.

Hey everyone. Just wanted to pop in and wish y'all a happy thanksgiving! I have so much to be thankful for, and I hope you counted your blessings today too! I'm thankful for each and every one of you lovely readers! Here are just a few of the things I'm thankful for.

little sisters who want to match.

little brothers who like to laugh.

a daddy who loves me.

a full plate of food.

homemade pumpkin pie.

what are y'all thankful for?

xoxo, Ruthanne

senior sitting.

Good evening, lovely friends ♥

You may be wondering where it is I've been this past week..

Well, a gal from my church had knee surgery on the 7th. Her name is Mavis, and she's about 75 years old. She loves all of us "young things" at church. She lives alone in a great big house at the top of a mountain. Two months ago when I first found out about her surgery, I offered to stay with her while she was recovering, and so that's what I've been doing all week. Senior sitting ;)

Oh my goodness, y'all, it has been an absolute blast. She says things like "I about had a kitten!" and "make sure to set that gadget so you'll get up in the morning!" She wears bright pink lipstick and loves jelly beans. We've had such a good time, I haven't had time to post at all! 

We have made so many meals it's absurd. We laugh a lot, too. I cleaned her pantry on Thursday. We had four of my friends who live up the street over for dinner last night and I made dinner and two pies for them! She has so many cool vintage gadgets it's not even funny. I have had such fun. Old people are simple marvelous! 

In other news though, my car battery died today in my driveway. In the pouring freaking rain, y'all. Thankfully I have a vehicle savvy uncle who lives down the street! 

I'm off to watch game shows with Mavis, now, but I'll be back soon, I promise! 

xoxo,

Ruthanne

glorious day.

I have no words for this other than wow. I woke up to a canvas of color today. I can't even handle it.

you are good.

This is probably my favorite song right now. I just love it. It's such a great reminder that He is always good when there is never anything good in me. 

Thank you, Lord, for being good in all situations.

snow + sunrises

I took this picture the Sunday morning at church...isn't it lovely? This is the meadow next to our church. The sun was getting settled in the sky and it was a shocking 2º that morning...brr. Winter is here, without even letting Autumn nestle in and stay a while. Sigh. This happens every year, though. I don't know why I'm surprised. Another 5 days of snow are coming our way on Saturday. I'm guess it's going to be a white thanksgiving...and I'm so excited. Not having snow on thanksgiving is a foreign concept to me..ha. 

What is the weather doing where you are right now? I'd love to know! It's so neat how all over the country no one is experiencing the same exact weather!

Hope you all have a lovely day! 

room revamp.

this weekend I decided to give my room a little bit of a revamp. Moved my bed...painted some frames and an "r", and hung some tissue paper balls. This was the outcome. What do you think? I know some of the frames are crooked, but I almost kinda like it. I dunno.

The sheet music on the wall in the first picture isn't done yet. I think I'm going to hang a bunting garland there. Not totally sure yet, though! I've come to the conclusion that simple is wonderful. It's okay to have some blank space, as long as you know how to play with it. 

Happy Monday, friends!

xoxo, Ruthanne

apple cinnamon rolls

Good morning wonderful friends!

Today I have an incredibly delicious (and probably borderline sinful) recipe for you!

Yesterday it was snowing and I decided it was the perfect time to try out a recipe I've been holding onto. Apple cinnamon rolls, y'all!

I adapted this recipe from here. Ready? Here we gooo! You will need:

Dough

5 cups of all-purpose flour (separated)

2 cups milk

1/2 cup vegetable oil

2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

1/2 cup sugar

1/2 teaspoon of salt

1/2 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1 packet of active yeast (1/4 oz. or 2 1/4 t)

Filling

Apple Filling

3 medium apples, chopped into small cubes (about 1 1/2 - 2 cups chopped)

3/4 cup brown sugar, packed

3 tablespoons ground cinnamon

Cinnamon filling

1/2 cup brown sugar

1/2 cup granulated sugar

1 tablespoon ground cinnamon

1 cup of butter, melted (2 sticks)

Frosting

1/2 cup butter, melted (1 stick)

1 1/3 cup of powdered sugar

1/2 teaspoon salt

4 teaspoons pure maple syrup

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

To prepare the dough, heat milk, oil, cane sugar and cinnamon for 5-8 minutes (do not boil). Pour milk into a large mixing bowl and let it reach lukewarm temperatures (to the touch) for about 10 minutes.

Once milk is lukewarm to the touch, sprinkle packet of yeast on top and let it set for one minute. After a minute has passed, pour in four and a half cups of flour and mix until incorporated nicely. Cover bowl with a clean kitchen towel and let dough rise for one hour in a relatively warm area.

After one hour, mix in last 1/2 cup of flour, baking soda, baking powder, and salt. Cover with a kitchen town again while you prepare the filling.

Preheat oven to 375 degrees Fahrenheit.

For the filling, heat up 1 cup of butter and brown it. Be watchful not to burn the butter by looking out for the center of the boiling butter. When the center forms a caramel color quickly remove it from the stove-top and set aside. Then in a small bowl mix apples, brown sugar and cinnamon together. In another bowl mix the cinnamon sugar filling.

Place dough onto a well floured surface and begin to roll it into a thin, long rectangle. I split my dough in half, and ended up getting around 22 rolls from it all. I'd say it varies though, depending on how big and thick you want your rolls to be. 

Once filling components are ready, spoon 1/2 of melted browned butter onto rolled out dough and spread evenly with spoon or pastry brush. Then evenly sprinkle on sugar and cinnamon mixture, followed by chopped apples mixture. Take long end, closest to you, and start to tightly roll dough with filling (try to keep the roll as tight as possible). Once dough and filling has been rolled into a log, pinch the seams shut. Using a sharp knife, slice 1 1/2 inch slices and place into a greased baking pan. be careful not to overcrowd the rolls. I made 9 of mine in a 9" cake pan and the other 13 in a glass pyrex pan. 

Bake for 18-20 minutes, or until lightly golden.

For the frosting, melt 1/2 cup of soft room temperature butter for 20 seconds in the microwave. Remove, and add sugar. Stir well and place in the microwave for another 10 seconds. Remove, and stir vigorously. Add in the maple syrup and vanilla. Keep stirring! Once the frosting has reached a thick consistency, you're golden!

Pour frosting evenly over cinnamon rolls and serve warm.

 And now you can enjoy. These are so delicious - be warned, they may cause you to want to work out. Or not. 

Let me know if you make them - and what you think!

xoxo, Ruthanne

murder mystery + vintage

  so I apologize for the lame photo, but it's all I have for proof of my dressing up as the wife of a 1930's circus owner! My youth group had its annual murder mystery dinner last Saturday and man oh man was it a blast! It was a circus themed event; and I was married to the owner. We didn't get a picture though :( Sad sad. Oh well. Colin didn't want proof of it anyways, I'm sure.   Everything, aside from my shoes and sockings was vintag! Ready for the run down?   My dress is a vintage 1950's Anne Fogarty original. (I posted about it previously here) All of my jewelry is authentic 1930's/1940's costume jewelry. You can only see my necklace in the photo, but I was also wearing some gorgeous earrings and a beautiful bracelet. And then the fur coat is one of my friend's mom's, and she let me borrow it for the evening. I also had some really pretty hair clips straight out of the 40's, too! Annnnnd....when I did my hair..     I couldn't help but use my grandma's old set of hot rollers. They work sooo much better than newer sets...and, lets be real. Authenticity is key. Duh.   Anyway, that was my saturday night last weekend! I didn't spend a dime on any part of my costume! It feels good to know that my collection of vintage has finally gotten to the point where I have everything I need for events like this!    xoxo, Ruthanne    

lets talk sparkles + glitter

Okay, y'all. I'm so addicted to glitter it's ridiculous. And pink. And pink glittery things. If it sparkles, chances are I'm in love with it. (note: the exception is vampires. I don't love them. and boys, don't sparkle yourselves and think it's gonna happen...k? k.)
Anyway. That purse, y'all. I'm so in love. it's soooo beautiful. And the scarf. I need to find one like that!
What are you loving right now?

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