8 days.

I can't believe it. In just 8 days, I'm going to be in Texas with my sister. I am honestly beyond excited. I can't describe how it feels to you. 

The only people who can really understand the way it feels are the ones who've been through the same thing. When one of the people you cherish the most is so very far away from you all the time, the little moments you get together are so, so special.

The other day I overheard someone complaining about it being two weeks since she saw her best friend. I chuckled and muttered "try 10 months." I don't have a chip on my shoulder about it, though. God has blessed us both so much and taught both of us so much just by us being 2200 miles apart - our friendship is based on more than simply having a sidekick. It's about loving each other through prayer and encouragement. 

You'd think , that since we've only ever spent a total of about 8 days together over the course of our friendship, that we wouldn't know each other's body language and facial expressions and vocal cues, but man oh man, it's quite the opposite. 

In other news, I ordered an iPad Mini this morning to (hopefully) have for my trip. Any suggestions for graphic design apps, creative apps, etc? Oh, and any book suggestions? I'm not taking much on the plane so I want to be able to keep myself busy!

Happy thursday, sweet friends!

xoxo, Ruthanne

exposing myself to potential criticism

I honestly don't know what to say these days.

I am torn between wanting to share this blog with the people around me, yet I really don't want to hear what criticism I may receive, simply because it will not affect who I am, or the content of the blog; it would simply be annoying, and a downer; and completely unnecessary. Furthermore, the people who would judge and give me grief, are the ones who inspired me to start this blog anyway; the people who don't really care to know me. 

I find myself holding my tongue more and more, interacting less with my peers, and spending more time with the people I really care about.

I'm going to be honest here, because that's what this blog is for. If people read it later on in life and get their panties in a bunch over it, that's something I'll deal with then.

I feel dumped by my friends. One of them got a boyfriend a little over three months ago, and I thought we'd do things together - you know, all hang out, I'd be the third wheel and get used to it, and maybe another one of our friends would join in and we'd have even more fun.

No, no, no. That's not the case. That's not how it went down. We hung out about a week and a half after they started dating, went shopping for the Junior high Christmas party before Christmas, and that's all the time we'd spent together in three months until we went on a walk last week. 

I feel so sad, not because I can't handle the being dumped thing, but he doesn't like me, and I really, truly, haven't spent any time with him, so I feel his judgement is unfair. Y'all know me and y'all know that I've worked hard to get over what people think of me - it's not that. It's that it reflects poorly on his character, in my opinion, because he's judging someone he refuses to spend time with. I feel like she's going to end up hurt, and it makes me mad that I can't do anything about it. But that's life, isn't it?

Along with all of this, another one of my friends has shown me that we weren't exactly on the same page with our friendship, and I feel used; simply a person to fill her empty time slots when she got bored; and the second I messed up and said the right thing at the wrong time, I'm chop liver. 

It's okay, of course; but it's sad, because I was truly feeling like we were moving past so many of the things we struggled with. 

Beyond all of this, though, God's given me new friendships. One, with a 24 year old named Kelsey, who is my friend's boyfriend's older sister, and another with a young man named Jesse. 

The times Kelsey and I spend together bless my heart so much. I can't describe to you how wonderful they are. I feel like she's me in 7 years...or how I want to be in 7 years. We spend our Tuesday afternoons watching The Bachelor that I recorded the night before, and shop in classy stores that no one really likes around here except us. We talk about politics and theology and life and just enjoy ourselves. She's special and I am thankful for her; kind of like an older sister to me. 

And then Jesse. I know, some of you skipped right to here because he's a he...but no, there is nothing, nothing going on. He is simply a wonderful friend, who is showing me that guys and girls can be friends, and interact on a normal level, and have a healthy relationship, so long as both parties are looking to serve the other as their brother or sister in Christ. He truly treats me like a sister, and makes sure I know that I'm loved by my King; he reassures me when I'm doubting myself and lends his thoughts when I go on my crazy thinking sprees. He only moved here a few months ago, but I feel like we've been friends forever. We never run out of wholesome things to talk about. It's great, and I am thankful for him, as well.

I am genuinely trying to balance what I talk about on here between fun and real life stuff. I don't know how to do that, perfectly, though, because to me, being raw with y'all is so important, it's what makes my blog mine. 

All the love in the world to you, today, sweet friends. May your Thursday be blessed.

xoxo, 

Ruthanne

in 24 days..

Y'all. 

In just 24 days, I'm going to be in Texas...with my best friend...probably eating something full of chocolate and calories and giggling, talking about nothing in particular. 

Twenty. Four. Days. 

What is this madness!?!

I was thinking that since y'all haven't seen enough of her on this blog (but really), I would post a few pictures of us a week leading up to March 8th...and #1 is.....

This is about 10 minutes after we first met. We were kind of crazy excited.

If you haven't read our story yet, you can go here, and get caught up!

walking with the wise + free printable

free printable! click image, save to computer, print on 8.5x11! xo!

Recently I've realized something. Your friends will not always value you the same way you value them.

This has only become something I've truly paid attention to lately - simply because I have friends that aren't on the same page as me; or at least their actions don't say so. 

If any of you are reading this blog, sometime down the road, or maybe next week, who knows when I'll finally share it...I want you to know, my love for you hasn't gone anywhere. I promise.

But; that being said, I'm learning that it's okay to let go of friendships sometimes. You can only do so much before the other person has to meet you in the middle, and sometimes, God says "you don't have to keep going. This is on her now; stop beating your head against the wall." 

I know that sounds silly, but it's true. Sometimes God gives us the o.k. to walk away. 

It's a bittersweet feeling...knowing you've done everything you can, yet they don't care...and at the same time this battle you were fighting is no longer something you have to worry about. Of course, it doesn't mean you just ditch the person. But the deep friendship you once had or were at once working towards? That might not ever happen.

I've been down the road of disappointment too many times. Friend, after friend, after friend has left me in the dust for someone else. They've said "see ya, I found someone better."

That's partially why I have this blog - because I wanted to have a place where I could just leave it all, and be myself, and not have to worry about any of them ridiculing me. 

I'm a strong girl. I don't let my emotions run my life - and I rarely react on my emotions quickly. But I will ignore hurt and pain and stinging comments to a point that isn't healthy. And I finally lose it, and discover I don't even know why I'm friends with some people. I get to such a lonely place, though, that I'd rather spend time with them than complain about my feelings. This is half my fault for not finding enough of a friend in my Savior and half the fault of the people who surround me.

That's not how it should be, though; I shouldn't be spending time with people who are constantly tearing me down, or who I don't feel really care. This is not to say some healthy criticism once in a while isn't due...but I have friends whom I spend time with and only ever walk away from our time together feeling dejected...and that's not okay; especially when they're my brothers and sisters in Christ. 

We are to be building each other up, not tearing them down. And unfortunately, that's not always the case. I'm not perfect at it either; but I have been on the receiving end of brutal sarcasm and stinging remarks far too often. 

I'm going somewhere with all this, I promise.

A couple days ago, my bible app's verse of the day was Proverbs 13:20; it read:

Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.

This is how I feel, oh so very often. I spend time with people who aren't uplifting, and my heart suffers harm.

Maybe I'm taking this out of context, I don't know. But I do know I'm not going to keep that habit up. I'm done having half-hearted friendships with people who say "lets hang out!" but don't mean it. I'm over the boring youth group conversations that leave me thinking "did we really just have a whole conversation about that?" 

I want to talk about Jesus! I want to talk about my struggles and not be judged, because I have a stamp on my forehead that says "Expectaion: perfect". I'm not perfect. I'm a human 17 year old girl. Lets cut each other some slack and love deeply, wholly, truly, like Christ did. Lets go beyond your day and the weather, lets talk. 

My new goal is to be a friend who is wise; to be a friend who is uplifting, and caring. The bible says they will know us by our love - I want to be the kind of friend that is simply love to the other, in hope that they are trying to be the same, and we can come together and glorify Christ in our friendship.

Strive to be the wise friend; strive to walk with the wise friend. Two very different, very daunting tasks.

Blessings, sweet friends.

xoxo,

Ruthanne

almost two weeks + a recap

So I'm awful...it's almost been two weeks since I posted. Lame.

Let me catch you up, a bit.

I'm obsessing over these songs. Majorly.

told you.

This happened. We're cool, we know.

I got my car washed and took a selfie in the process. I felt really cool.

For the first time ever my name was spelled right on my Starbucks cup without me spelling it out for them. Ruthanne...no Ruth Ann, Ruthann, Ruth, or Ruthan....you have no idea how happy it made me.

I went to this really beautiful wedding on Saturday. Cutest couple ever. Really.

I made this cake to celebrate the closing of football season, and the fact that baseball season is THIS MUCH CLOSER. I'm just kind of excited. boys in baseball pants...sigh.

I enjoyed an hour on the lake...it's really low right now, but it was a beautiful day. Ice chunks floating around, it was frozen solid a couple weeks ago.

I tried to take a cute coffee-drinking-selfie. It turned out like this. Oh well.

My friend James bought me a new keychain for my keys. Princess key chain + John Deere key chain = seriously so perfect - because this is the new window decal I ordered for my car..

So, there's my life the past couple weeks. I'm also going to Texas in 29 days. EEE!

Also...I'm looking at buying another pair of boots. Someone talk me out of it, please.