"so you don't believe in love" and why co-existing is nearly impossible

(click for full res download - created by Ruthanne of Miss Ruthanne Writes - personal use only )

This week in my psychology class, we got into some pretty heavy material about whether or not the parents of a child born prematurely who is at high risk for a disability like Cerebral Palsy have the right to ask the doctor not to resuscitate.

Now, I must make this clear. I am super vocal in these situations. I will shut my mouth on gay marriage and marijuana legalization. Those are battles I'm not able to fight - it's a social thing. But allowing a child to die because it would be an inconvenience to you and your family or aborting them before they even have a chance to change your mind, that is something I will always fight, because that is a heart issue. That is something that has been influenced by society, but ultimately comes down to your value of life. If we get upset over the death penalty, and how many chickens are brutally killed for our enjoyment each year, why then do we not get upset over the baby genocide epidemic within our world?

If it is wrong to kill a child at 1 month, 1 year, 10 years, etc., how then is it any different to kill a child within the womb, or deliberately let it die because it is going to have a "terrible life"?

After this conversation was had in class, we were paired up with a couple people to discuss the fairness of this, and IVF treatments, too. To add on to that topic - I am not a supporter of IVF. Many times, 4 or 5 eggs will be fertilized and placed to give you better chances, but when all of them take and you're left with 4 babies you don't want to carry, many women choose to remove all but one or two of them. 

The girl I was paired with is about as opposite in her beliefs as I am. She is pro-choice, all for gay marriage, etc, etc. Instead of discussing, objectively, the pros and cons of both situations and how they psychologically affect our culture, it turned into a battle of political and faith stances. She began questioning me on all sorts of absurd things - like what the bible has to say about a girl who is raped by her father and becomes pregnant - what then? I was confounded by her naive approach to something so simple. Those things don't happen every day, first of all, and secondly, rape victims are the least likely to get an abortion. Here's some stats for you found on OperationRescue.com:

• Women who have never been married account for one-third of abortions in America.
• Less than 1% of all abortions take place because of rape and/or incest.
Women give an average of 3.7 reasons why they are seeking an abortion including the following:
• 21% Inadequate finances
• 21% Not ready for responsibility
• 16% Woman’s life would be changed too much
• 12% Problems with relationships, unmarried
• 11% Too young and/or immature
• 8% Children are grown; she has all she wants
• 3% Baby has possible health problems
• <1% Pregnancy caused by rape/incest
• 4% Other

These are real stats from real women. If you want to combat a Christian's reason for being pro-life, you have got to choose a different scenario than incest. More often than not, women abort because it is an inconvenience, they don't have enough money, and they're not "ready" for a baby. It just doesn't happen the way she depicted it. She continued to ask me how I could believe in such a thing, and gave me a scenario where her friend had been told - through "science" - that her baby would be born without eyes, ears, or the ability to function. And that it "might" live to be two weeks old. She asked me what to do in that situation.

I had to back up at this point, and explain why I was going to say what I was going to say.

First of all, I am a born again Christian. I believe in Jesus Christ and his resurrection. I believe that the bible is the word of God and I believe that there is nothing more sacred than human life.

Sin entered this world as a cause and effect of Adam and Eve's disobedience to God. That's when we got disease, pain in childbirth, death, pain, emotional hurt, and that's also when we were eternally separated from God unless we chose to pursue Him. So, a child being born with these "defects" is a result of the fall of man. It doesn't make the child imperfect, however.

See, the bible says that we are created in His image; "So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them;  male and female he created them." (Genesis 1:27) and it also says in Psalm 127:3, "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward."So if God tells us we are made in His image - and that this includes children with "disabilities" - and that children are also a heritage from Him and a reward...and if I, as a Christian claim to believe that the Word of God is truth and the only valid source I trust, how could I say that abortion, not resuscitating a child after birth, and other abusive ways of "disposing" of children, is right? 

I cannot and will not ever say that it is okay. Ever. 

After making this point to her, I think she knew it was a losing battle to keep fighting with me. She then asked me, through a very inappropriate choice of words that is too disgusting to even post starred out, if I'm a supporter of gay rights. 

There are a couple homosexuals in my class. And I simply laughed and said, "yeah, you guessed right."

They all heard me, and I knew it could be detrimental to my being taken seriously ever again. But I can't compromise to serve myself.

"So, you don't believe in love, then?" she poses. I don't remember exactly how I worded it, but it went something like this.

I believe in the bible, and what the bible has to say about love. If I stand up for "gay rights", I am again, going against my beliefs and therefore losing the integrity I possess. If you stand for nothing you'll fall for anything. So, yes, I believe in love. But love as is defined in the word of God - the truth - by my Jesus - is defined by my God sending his only Son to die on the cross for my sins. 

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

We have all heard this passage from 1 Corinthians 13:4-8(a) at least once. If love is patients, it is my duty to stand firm in my convictions, while remaining patient with those struggling with what the bible has to say about their sin. If love is kind, it's my responsibility to not condemn those who's lifestyles I don't agree with - it's my responsibility to show them the grace Jesus gave me. If love is not self seeking, it is my job to love and support and encourage others to follow Jesus because it's better for them, not because it makes me better.

And going back to her comment of "so you don't believe in love, then?"....yes. I believe in love. But my Jesus showed me more love than any man or woman ever could. And because I believe in love, I also believe in a baby's rights to life. I believe in marriage being a holy covenant between a man and a woman only; I believe that if you have the love of Christ filling your life, you have more power than anyone to combat addiction, abuse, depression, so on and so forth.

We live in a culture where "acceptance" is our god. Non-believers crucify Christians for not accepting gays, abortion, drugs, abuse, and so on. But in reality, if we are so focused on acceptance, we would stop focusing on acceptance. An Atheist asking me to have tolerance in regards to things like gay marriage and abortion, goes against their agenda of acceptance. 

I as a Christian will not ask you to support the same things I support because you are held to a standard of the world, not Jesus. But you in return, in order to fulfill your plight for co-existing, must tolerate my "intolerance" because I am standing firm in my convictions and rights to them. If you ask me to compromise what makes me who I am for your convenience, you have no right to get upset when I ask you to compromise your convictions for me.

Co-existing is not really possible, because in a world where we are pushing acceptance and tolerance, the only ones not receiving acceptance and tolerance, are Christians - because we stand for more and have supporting reasons for everything we stand on.

As soon as we finished our conversation during break, the woman told me to "keep doing what you're doing you rock.", and I couldn't tell if she was being sarcastic or not. I was told I am too black and white, the world doesn't work like that, etc. Yeah, it doesn't, because sin rules our life. I left class on break and just didn't come back. I was so riled up and knew I would be disruptive if I stayed. The next day, a friend told me everyone in our section of the class (about 7 people) sat and talked poorly about me; only proving that they are not as confident in their "convictions" as I may be. What someone says about how "black and white" I am will never affect me - because I am not here on earth to please them, I'm here to glorify my God. If they are so firm in their convictions and beliefs, they wouldn't care what I believed - they would pity me for my lack of "understanding" - but instead, I make them think. I made them question. I made them uncomfortable, and that alone was worth the persecution that I may have incurred.

If you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything.

I stand on Jesus; and because of this, I will never accept anything less than His truth. 

dear little sisters

Dear little sister (both of you, whenever you read this.)

You're precious.  I know right now one of you is incredibly weird and 12 - it will pass. And the other one of you is still able to wear a tutu with every outfit and dance around the house naked. Again, that will pass...at least the last part. 

Either way though, whenever you read this, you're beautiful and precious, and you're a daughter of the King.

I want you to know that as you get older and grow wiser (like me...I'm pretty dang ripe at the age of 18...*wink*)...you're going to go through some stuff.

You're going to lose friendships.

And with that, you'll probably gain a few.

Hopefully, your first kiss isn't as dreadful as mine, and you hold your heart close. And if you're questioning how to do that, call me, because I can at least tell you what not to do. Step one: boys have cooties.

Don't rely on youth group or church to be your happiness. I was thinking just today of how fun those days were - wondering who would be there this week, what I would wear to church, which one of the boys I would pick on...but there were times when my church life became more important than my Jesus time and that is a serious issue. 

Focus your heart on him and not just his house.

Don't yell at mom when she goes through your stuff. She's gonna do it. And she's probably gonna call me to talk about it, and then I'm gonna come over and do it. 

But guess what. When I call you someday to talk about my daughter's stuff...you can return the favor? Deal?

Don't let your heart get too caught up in figuring out what you wanna do with your life. It's okay. You have time. 

Daddy is a lot sweeter now than he was when I was 12, so be nice to him. He likes you most of the time, but he loves you all the time, and while he may make you clean the kitchen when mom and I are at worship practice, it's really for your own good. 

Just remember not to glare and mumble while doing the dishes at night. He can see your reflection, and after that, you get to mop all 1800 square feet of the living area. Yay you!

On that note though, he'll buy you sushi a few times a year. If you play your cards right, he might give you some cash for jeans or a new top. Pick appropriately and ask me first. Technology is here for a reason, ladies.

When your best friend gets mad at you, don't get mad back. Chances are one of you is valid, and the other one needs to cool down or realize they're wrong.

Pray it's not you, but if it is, that you will have clarity.

You're never too old for disney movies. Ever.

Laugh a lot. Don't stop reading. Do your school.

Work hard for what you want. Daddy may buy you sushi and jeans here and there, but life doesn't work like that. You have to work hard to make it. Don't forget that. 

Chances are, though, when you start to work hard to buy your own $100 jeans and take yourself out to sushi, mom is going to miss you.

A lot.

Stay up a little later sometimes to talk with her. You're both tired, but she's a special woman and you don't even know the half of it. 

I haven't even made it to the 1/5th mark.

Before posting on facebook about that annoying friend or the boy you're heartbroken over, call me. I don't care if it's 1am, facebook land doesn't care and I will be awarded a medal in heaven someday for saving all those souls from your stupid teenage posts. 

But seriously. Call me. Then facebook. It works better.

Listen to country music during summer. It makes life better, trust me.

Don't flaunt your body. Cover up and learn to look cute without skin. It's an art and if you learn it, I won't have to buy you a personalized paper bag. 

Netflix binging is only a good form of procrastination while mom is your teacher. When you get to college and you have deadlines, you will learn. 

Enjoy the time you have with netflix now.

Don't text and drive.

Don't drink.

Don't cuss. Too often. Only when people cut you off.

The duck face is off limits for selfies. Period. 

Youth trips are not a guarantee for making your life better or your walk with God stronger. That takes work and effort and desire. Find it.

Learn to bake and do it well. It will help you out a lot in life. Parties you don't want to be at and meetings you wish you could avoid will all be made better if you're a mini Nancy Drew. Trust me.

Don't think you need to tear people down to be better. You are you and there is no one who can do it better. The goal is to be you striving to be like Jesus.

I probably will write another one of these someday. But for now, I'll leave you with this...

If you still can't say period by the time you're a sophomore, we need to talk.

I love you two. Oodles and poodles of love. 

nanny diaries // 1

(coffee: round 1)

(can we go outside yet?)

(coffee: round 2)

(tiny snow-boots just waiting for a little boy to wake up)

(pick up time before the afternoon tornado)

(gulp. gulp. refill. gulp. gulp. repeat)

(birthday cookies for S)

(watching Frozen and drinking hot cocoa)

Sometimes I look at my life and what I do and I wonder; should I actually have a "real" job? Am I really doing something that's impacting others enough to even count? 

Then I stop, and look at the pictures I snap throughout the day; the joyous smiles on little people's faces, and know it's okay. I'm succeeding; not in the sense that I'm the best at what I do or always do it right, but my job is to keep the house clean, feed hungry tummies, and break up the silly fights over who uses the pink pen and gets the purple cup. 

It's hard work pouring into little hearts day in and day out; it's easy to be the nanny who sits on her phone, constantly trying to "distract" the children so she can make "easy" money and tend to her own personal problems; however it is truly, honestly, a daunting task to ensure that 3 little are ready for the day, their tummies are full, their rooms clean...to guarantee that all of the baby's bottles are clean, and he doesn't find that bottle he lost from Monday under the couch before you do. Nannying is a form of mini-motherhood, if you do it right. You're tied to their hearts, their joys become your happiness and their sadness is your grief. I can genuinely say that after I get over the initial frustration of a sibling fight, it is more painful to know that their only thoughts in that moment is to hurt the other; and I want to do my best to teach them how to love the other and encourage a lifelong friendship. 

So, it is then, after these moments, that I know my job is good, and right. I know that I'm made for this; that this is where I am able to bless people the most right now, and for that I am thankful. 

loneliness isn't punishment

As I climbed into bed last night, I started my nightly chat with God..it's kind of our thing we have. Bed time is my favorite because we sit and talk about the day and my heart and I get to let it all out.

I don't really have a best friend anymore. Not anyone who I can grab coffee with, anyway, or hit the mall with on Friday. I have a couple of girlfriends whom I've grown up with and can go months in between talking, but we often do just that, go months in between seeing each other. My three closest friends live in Washington, Texas, and Pennsylvania, and honestly, I've spent a lot of time asking God "why". 

In a recent conversation with one of my pastors and talking about bitterness and letting go of grudges, he suggested that I do my very best to rekindle damaged relationships and involve myself with people. If you read my post about my relationship this summer (here) and how it was handled by the people around me, you may understand why I felt distant from my peers and the people I'm surrounded by. But here's the cold hard honest truth: I have never truly, honest to goodness, had a "real" relationship, one that dug deep and was heartfelt, with most of the girls he was encouraging me to mend things with. Some may say this is a bad thing, but I truly believe, despite whatever may come between me and them, I was never made to fit with their crowd. And this is okay.

Last night, when I was talking to God, I just kept asking Him why...why have I never felt at home with friends? Why have I never really meshed well with other girls? Why is it that more often than not, I feel lonely and lame? Fellowshipping is really hard for me, and something I have to work at. I'm a social girl, I am, but I often feel like fellowshipping turns into a game of "who can mask their problems the most" or "who can be the most transparent and make everyone else feel bad" and while I know that's not always true, it's what it looks like a lot of the time. As I'm writing this, He's still telling me "hang on."

In my loneliness, God has been teaching me patience. He's been teaching me strength. He's also been teaching me grace; to not be condemning on those who find solace in fellowship. He's reminding me that He made me different, not for punishment, but because He loves me and has something special planned for my life. Just because I don't fit here in my current stage of life, doesn't mean His plans don't include me.

I've had this feeling lately that I won't be in T-town much longer. About a month and a half ago I began purging my room of all unwanted clothing and things...because I felt this sudden urge to detach myself from anything that might hold me back if God calls me somewhere. I don't see this as an accident.

I'm not the most spiritual person in the world, and I am not well versed in theology, but I can tell you this. I am a daughter of the King. I love my Jesus. And I have a feeling something big is coming my way. 

My entire life has been spent wondering what is wrong with me; why am I not invited to things; why don't I hang out with other girls; why am I different? The reason to this may be that I'm obnoxious sometimes, or that I'm a flirt at other times and just end up with boys, or that I just don't do drama...but really, these are things most girls possess. I know for a fact there isn't anything "wrong" with me - I am indeed a sinful woman and I act according to my flesh more often than not, but this doesn't make me wrong. It makes me human, and it makes me, well, me. 

Above any other lesson God's been teaching me lately, is that loneliness isn't punishment. He's given me the task of bearing such a burden because he knows I'm strong and He knows my heart...He also knows my confidence in His will and my ability to persevere. And I've been feeling a certain prodding on my heart the past few weeks that tells me "something's coming, hang on." 

My burden and cross to bear (one of them, anyway) is loneliness. I don't always do it well, I don't always succeed in trying to maintain joy in my "suffering". Because I won't lie and tell you I enjoy it - it's hard to feel like you're the outcast. But I do know this: there is indeed something coming. Whether it's life altering or simply a change of pace for the time being....my loneliness is not a punishment. My Jesus knows what He's doing and I plan on trusting Him to get me through. I know life won't always be fun and I won't always have company, but where I am now is simply prepping me for where I will be later. 

I want to challenge you, sweet friends, to look at your burdens as blessings. Ask God the rest of this week to give you joy in carrying the heavy stuff, and to give you understanding in his sovereignty. 

// a letter to moms.

Dear Mamas,

In the past few months, I've been fully submerged into the real world. I was homeschooled for 12 years. I wasn't sheltered to an unhealthy extreme - but I was sheltered enough to allow my parents to have more influence on me than society would.

I don't know if you've noticed, but a large percentage of girls of the ages 15 through 23/24 these days have extremely low confidence levels. They can't cook - they can use a microwave and put a pre-made pie in the oven. They can't clean. They don't know what grace is and they certainly don't know about standards and self esteem, because most every girl you talk to, has given herself to a man already, or plans on it before marriage; some even have goals to lose their virginity before a certain age. Exceptions apply, of course, but I'm sad to say, those exceptions are a minority. 

Their skinny jeans are spray painted on, and the art of bootcut jeans has almost been lost. People forgot about these things we call camisoles. Their mouths say far too many dirty words and their dresses are too short. Heaven forbid they hit mid-thigh. Their heels make them taller than the Empire State building and in their pictures on facebook, you tend to wonder why they look like ducks half the time. Oh, and did you know that kids (girls and boys) under the age of 21 consume almost 20 percent of America's alcohol sales? Super promising, for your little ladies, I know. 

These are the girls of 2013. These are the girls your girls have to look up to. These are the girls setting the standards. And these are the girls, your daughters, if trends continue, will probably end up like. 

Your little girls have a chance to be different, if you give it to them, mama.

Your sweet little girls may have cute little bellies and chubby little legs right now, but sooner than you think, they will get curves. They will grow taller. They will care about their hair cut. They will ask to buy the tightest skinny jeans possible. They will want to wear makeup, and whether you like it or not (especially their daddies), they will like boys. 

Teach them, now, before they're overcome with hormones and disney-channel-inspired sass (translation:disrespect), that they're princesses. Teach them that they're special. Teach them to be confident in who they are. Teach them where their identity lies. Teach them that grace given by God doesn't make them perfect - it makes them a beautiful mess. Teach them it's okay to have standards. Teach them that it's okay to cry sometimes, but it's also okay to laugh. Teach them that life won't always go their way. Teach them to take joy in the little things...the little successes. Give them a reason to be beautiful - teach them about Love - teach them about Jesus. Teach them to be shameless about their love for Him.

Teach them how to be classy with a little sass and a little smartass - excuse me - because the truth is, they're going to need it. But teach them how to be sweet, too. Teach them how to be loving, and compassionate. Teach them the importance of grace. Teach them how to cook..even if you don't know very well yourself. Teach them how to iron. Teach them how to change a tire. Teach them how to make their bed. Teach them how to clean a toilet. Teach them how to do their own laundry. Teach them, mamas, how to be a good wife. Start now. Not when they're 13. Not when they're 16. Teach them now, and teach them to be joyful about it. 

How do you do this, you ask? You, yourself, do it first. 

Understand that your Daddy is the King of the nations- you are a princess. You are special. Be confident in who you are and seek daily to find your identity in Christ - not a spotless house and perfectly behaved children, because that will never happen. Accept the grace God gives you when you let the less than spotless house and misbehaved children devalue your worth. Your life is a beautiful, glorious mess. Have standards - don't ever let them hear you talk poorly about someone you love. Never say a bad word about their daddy in front of them. Your standards are going to be their guide - give them a good starting point. Don't be afraid to cry in front of them. Your life is a beautiful mess, remember? He uses tears to water the roses, sometimes. Laugh. A lot. When life doesn't go your way, get on your knees, and make sure they see it. Ask them if they want to join you. Celebrate the little things in your life. There is nothing wrong with making pumpkin spice pancakes on the first day of Autumn, just because. Don't be afraid to dress up sometimes and feel beautiful - but don't be afraid to rock a makeup free face with confidence, either. You're their mirror. Never stop searching for Love - never stop seeking Him. Never hold back how much you love Jesus to your children. Ever. 

Rock your class. Don't be afraid to have a teensy bit of sass, and if the situation permits, dish a little smartass out too. Why, you ask? Because to be perfectly honest with you, this world is harsh, and between Jesus and a teensy bit of attitude, us ladies just might survive it. Have you stepped outside lately? Don't forget your manners though. Please, thank you, have a nice day, and for heavens sake, smile at the homeless man, and the grumpy checkout clerk at the grocery store. Be loving. Be compassionate. Be understanding. Give grace. Cook dinner for your family. Even if you're always busy - make an effort to prepare meals for your family with a smile on your face. Teach them how to iron their daddy's shirt. And then, when she gets distracted, talking to you and burns it, ask him to put it on and teach her how to change a tire. That's his job, anyway. Make your bed every morning - and ask them to do the same. A messy room looks a thousand times better even when the bed is made. Don't let your laundry pile up to inside out dirty underwear. Wash them and teach her to put them away. Clean the bathrooms in your house regularly. Show her how to help you, even if it's just emptying the trash. Be a good wife - not a perfect one. Love your husband - her daddy. Serve him even when he pisses you off with that humming thing he does while he sits on the couch after work and plays fantasy football. And start now. Not when you're 26, or 32. Now. 

Where did this come from? 

Easy. My heart. And my mama. 

My mama did her very best to exude all of those qualities above...and I cannot tell you how thankful I am, each and every day, for the blessing of her diligence. 

I will repeat an earlier statement - this world is harsh. And between Jesus and little bit of attitude, I just might survive it. 

The reason though, I wanted to be so straightforward with you mamas, though, is because every single day, I meet a new young lady who is overcome with the pressures of this world. More often than not, she can't cook, she isn't confident in who she is, her face is caked with makeup, and she's sold herself to lust, not love. 

I am not perfect, but I have been equipped with a lot of tools many girls never see, because their mamas are too busy thinking about #1 and they forget about the little eyes watching them. 

I am confident in who I am and I'm not afraid to speak my mind. Just go through some of my past blog posts. 

I'm a princess...because, Jesus and duh. (That's teenager speak for I'm a daughter of the King and look like Ariel.)

I can run a household better than most first time moms - because my mom made sure I knew that was an important part of being a woman.

I like to smile. At the guy on the corner and the lady in the store. I smile at the little girl next to me at the stoplight. I smile. Because that says a lot about someone these days. Try it.

I don't always make my bed though..and sometimes I wait a little too long to clean my bathroom or start my laundry. I blame it on the fact that I'm a nanny though, and I do that for other people all day long. 

My point is, I feel so prepared for life and adulthood...wifehood and motherhood..simply because my mother instilled these things within my little heart. I remember the day she taught me to fold socks. It was after my baby sister was born - I was 6, and my poor mother was so overrun with everything. A brand new baby, a healing C-section incision, and the beginning of my dad's business...she sat down on the couch, called me over, and patiently taught me how to lay the socks together, stick my fingers inside, and flip one out over the other. It took me entirely too long to master the task...but it's stuck with me 12 years after, her patience and understanding, in teaching me a simple task that everyone should know. 

So, mamas, teach them to dance in the rain. Teach them to dance in the sun. Lose the leggings and shirt that doesn't quite cover your bum...because the day they come out wearing that, the day after they get curves and legs, you're going to have a cow at how every detail of their sweet little body is revealed, and you're going to want to tell them to change...but that disney-channel-sass we talked about is going to come out and point out your outfit at that very moment. Don't let that happen. Teach them classy and cute modesty. I'm not talking Duggar extreme. But come on, buy them bermuda shorts while they still don't care. 

Your little girls are the wives, mothers, aunts and best friends of tomorrow. Who you raise them to be today determines what our society looks like tomorrow. Give them the tools to succeed. 

Teach them to be tougher than nails. Teach them how to be a best friend by being theirs. Teach them manners. Teach them to keep their standards high. Teach them how to use a hammer. Encourage them to play in the mud every now and then. Teach them the beauty of a pair of worn out converse. Teach them how to dress up. Teach them how to properly apply eyeliner, please. Teach them how to kill a spider. Teach them how to patch a pair of jeans. Teach them how to smile. Teach them how to live.

Teach them, mamas, and teach them well. 

(my mama and I)