walking with the wise + free printable

free printable! click image, save to computer, print on 8.5x11! xo!

Recently I've realized something. Your friends will not always value you the same way you value them.

This has only become something I've truly paid attention to lately - simply because I have friends that aren't on the same page as me; or at least their actions don't say so. 

If any of you are reading this blog, sometime down the road, or maybe next week, who knows when I'll finally share it...I want you to know, my love for you hasn't gone anywhere. I promise.

But; that being said, I'm learning that it's okay to let go of friendships sometimes. You can only do so much before the other person has to meet you in the middle, and sometimes, God says "you don't have to keep going. This is on her now; stop beating your head against the wall." 

I know that sounds silly, but it's true. Sometimes God gives us the o.k. to walk away. 

It's a bittersweet feeling...knowing you've done everything you can, yet they don't care...and at the same time this battle you were fighting is no longer something you have to worry about. Of course, it doesn't mean you just ditch the person. But the deep friendship you once had or were at once working towards? That might not ever happen.

I've been down the road of disappointment too many times. Friend, after friend, after friend has left me in the dust for someone else. They've said "see ya, I found someone better."

That's partially why I have this blog - because I wanted to have a place where I could just leave it all, and be myself, and not have to worry about any of them ridiculing me. 

I'm a strong girl. I don't let my emotions run my life - and I rarely react on my emotions quickly. But I will ignore hurt and pain and stinging comments to a point that isn't healthy. And I finally lose it, and discover I don't even know why I'm friends with some people. I get to such a lonely place, though, that I'd rather spend time with them than complain about my feelings. This is half my fault for not finding enough of a friend in my Savior and half the fault of the people who surround me.

That's not how it should be, though; I shouldn't be spending time with people who are constantly tearing me down, or who I don't feel really care. This is not to say some healthy criticism once in a while isn't due...but I have friends whom I spend time with and only ever walk away from our time together feeling dejected...and that's not okay; especially when they're my brothers and sisters in Christ. 

We are to be building each other up, not tearing them down. And unfortunately, that's not always the case. I'm not perfect at it either; but I have been on the receiving end of brutal sarcasm and stinging remarks far too often. 

I'm going somewhere with all this, I promise.

A couple days ago, my bible app's verse of the day was Proverbs 13:20; it read:

Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.

This is how I feel, oh so very often. I spend time with people who aren't uplifting, and my heart suffers harm.

Maybe I'm taking this out of context, I don't know. But I do know I'm not going to keep that habit up. I'm done having half-hearted friendships with people who say "lets hang out!" but don't mean it. I'm over the boring youth group conversations that leave me thinking "did we really just have a whole conversation about that?" 

I want to talk about Jesus! I want to talk about my struggles and not be judged, because I have a stamp on my forehead that says "Expectaion: perfect". I'm not perfect. I'm a human 17 year old girl. Lets cut each other some slack and love deeply, wholly, truly, like Christ did. Lets go beyond your day and the weather, lets talk. 

My new goal is to be a friend who is wise; to be a friend who is uplifting, and caring. The bible says they will know us by our love - I want to be the kind of friend that is simply love to the other, in hope that they are trying to be the same, and we can come together and glorify Christ in our friendship.

Strive to be the wise friend; strive to walk with the wise friend. Two very different, very daunting tasks.

Blessings, sweet friends.

xoxo,

Ruthanne

bigger.

Oh, my sweet King. You are truly incredible. 

Yesterday, while at the thrift store, I bought the book I kissed dating goodbye by Joshua Harris. I read that book about a year and a half ago, per my mother's request - and was in love with it and the ideas set out in it. It's pure genius and should be read by every Christian woman - young and old. 

The book is not all about dating - but more about how our relationships should be glorifying God in all their ways, and how that should look. Whether it's a romantic relationship or a simple friendship. 

So anyway - I saw the book, sitting on the shelf, priced $1.50 - brand.new. And the tag was yellow, making it 50% off - so all in all it was $.75....and as I picked it up I knew God wanted me to read it with one of the girls at youth group who is younger than me. So in my mind, I made a mental list...of all the girls I thought it would be appropriate to read it with. It consisted all of the 8th graders who are graduating into high school this year, as well as a few freshman girls whom I worked with last year...the list was about 5 girls long...and so I began praying about which one of them needed the fellowship, support, and study time with someone older but not too much older than them. Namely, myself.

Step back a week. Last week at youth group, we finished the book of Acts, and this week, we had our last "life groups" session for that book - a time where the girls and guys split, and are directed by the leaders in a discussion about the last three weeks...so we have a night like this every 4th week. It's quite wonderful.

We ended up heading in a direction of sharing what God's been weeding out of our lives - pride, lust, gluttony, etc, etc. And one of my girls from last year, who's a freshman this year, (I refer to all of the girls who I've been a leader to while they've been in jr. high as my girls...) - who was also on my list - opened her heart up in front of all 20+ of us - and as she was talking, I got a little tug on my heart saying "you get to minister to her."

Well. funny story - this girl never liked me really - I always bugged her last year because I was so very open about my opinions on dating in high school just to date, gossip, lying, etc. I never tell my girls something just because it's what they want to hear....but even though she hated what I had to say, she kept coming back. 

My heart skipped a beat. "Oh no, God, not A...this is not going to go over well...please don't do this to me."

I could hear God laughing in my head....imagining Him saying "do what to you, missy? I'm blessing you with this opportunity, now take it and be a light."

*gulp* "Okay, whatever you say....", I thought back to myself....

We prayed for A, as a group, and then I went over (not before taking a big breath and putting on my big girl panties) and sat down with her - told her about the book, how I felt God telling me to go through it with her...and you know what she said, through tears?

"I would love to read it with you. Thank you." And she hugged me. Hugged me.

Oh, my word. That did not just happen.

God is so cool.

So, I'm going to be re-reading the book over the next month or so - so you can probably expect some posts about what I'm learning or talking about with A. This is just the first of many, I'm sure.

Thank you Lord, for being bigger than our hardened hearts.

worship & wonder.

I led worship last night for our evening service at church. 

Two of the songs we sang were How Great is Our God - by  Chris Tomlin, and Wonderful Maker, also by Chris Tomlin. 

These songs...and the lyrics....I can't get over them. They send chills up my spine - they remind me of how wonderful and great our God is!

Our God was the only thing in a vast expanse of nothingness - no life, no sound, no existence but him. And all he did - all  he had to do was say "let there be light", and there was light. God didn't have to do some insane list of things to make this happen; He just said four words; four little words; and there it was. 

Before we sang Wonderful Maker - I asked the congregation to close their eyes, and picture nothing - no noise, no light, no darkness - and I asked them to breathe - that's what God did to create them. I asked them to imagine saying let there be light - because that's what God did - and to try and grasp onto how truly amazing God is. 

I guarantee none of those people, including myself, came close to even touching comprehensiveness of such a thing. None of them. Because that is how great God is! There is no way for us  to ever imagine Him fully. He is the Lion and the Lamb - the beginning and the end, that alpha and omega. 

About 6 weeks ago I wrote a worship song centered around this - I'm hoping to share it with the congregation soon and then maybe even you all - but I wanted to share this first; because as I left that stage last night, and I reflected on the people who had raised their hands in adoration; closed their eyes in awe; I knew it was not me who did any of that. It was not me who inspired any of that - it was God. Because He gave me the gift of singing; the ability to play piano, and the perseverance to get better at leading His people into the throne room. It's not me. 

It's Him.

And when people tell me that I did a wonderful job; that I have great talent; that I am so gifted; if I ever cling to those words and believe that it is "I" and not  the great "I am" who has those things, I fall - in some way. And it is never good. It is never fun. And it always humbles me. 

You see - He could take my "talent", "gifts", and "ability" away in an instant. He didn't put me on this earth to be glorified - He put me on this earth to glorify.

I love these verses in Matthew chapter 6, 1-4:

"Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven."Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward.But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing,so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you."

 I always remind myself of that. Because I can do nothing great that will last without Christ.

Nothing at all; all attempts at greatness will be futile; vapid; worthless.

Thank you, Lord; for loving me even when I make those attempts; when I try to be the great one. Thank you, Lord; for not only forgiving me, but still allowing me to glorify You after it all.

You are my wonderful Maker - and I am, indeed, in awe of you.

the lord is my strength and my song.

It's 1:57 am.

I can't sleep.

My nose is clogged up and I can't breathe. 

I have laundry to do but no energy to do it.

I have school, lots and lots and lots of school to do, but again, no energy to do it. Nor the desire.

I haven't been able to sing in five days. This is horrendous for me, you see. 

Now it's 1:59 am.

I'm still tired but can't sleep.

Because my nose is clogged up.

And I'm still thinking about all the laundry and school I have and need to do.

But alas, no energy or motivation to do it.

And I still can't sing.

What a difference two minutes makes, eh?

And on top of all that, our annual high school Christmas party at church is tomorrow....or today, I should say, and I have absolutely no desire to go. But I need to get out of the house. "Enjoy" myself. 

Meh.

You know what's the most frustrating part about all this? The way I deal with frustration is prayer and singing. I sing a little song, all better.

It's now 2:05 am.....

&& I still have no ability to sing! 

But you know what? I posted a verse today on my facebook. 

The LORD is my 

strength && my song, 

and H E has B E C O M E my S A L V A T I O N 

THIS IS MY GOD, AND I WILL PRAISE HIM 

-EXODUS 15:2a

I forget that so often.

The Lord is my strength and song; I don't need to even open up my lips to sing. He is my song. He heals my frustration. He takes away my hurt. He is my strength too. When I have no energy, when I don't want to do it, when I can't do it, He's the reason I do. Because it's what needs to happen.

Thank you, Jesus. Thank you.

It's 2:15 am.

I'm going to go to sleep.

I'm going to live through the night, I am breathing, in reality.

I will do laundry tomorrow morning.

I will do school tomorrow.

Lots, and lots, and lots of it.

And I will let my body rest so I can sing again.

But even if I don't sing for another five days....

THE L O R D IS MY S T R EN G T H && MY S O N G.