nanny diaries: episode 1

YOU GUYS.

I'm pretty sure if I were suddenly given custody of a child right now, I'd know how to take care of them better than their parents would.

I have done so.much.babysitting. this past week. Omg.

The reason I haven't posted the giveaway winner yet is because I'm pretty much a zombie. Basically.

Last night I had just about the craziest night of my life....are you ready? 

By the way, because I'm so zombie like, I'm semi-delusional, and because I'm semi-delusional, I'm going to be really dramatic about this. 

nanny diaries: episode 1

It's 6:47 pm; the two fourteen month old girls are in their beds, sound asleep. T is watching a movie on mom's macbook and here I am, trying to get G down to sleep.

He's crying and fussing, and so not digging this whole "it's time to go to bed thing."

I finally say, "G, we need to go to sleep. You have a big day tomorrow and you need your rest."

I'm sure in his little head he was thinking to himself, "what is it with big people and thinking that tomorrow is going to be big? I think all tomorrow's are the same size."

But nonetheless. His thoughts were portrayed something like throwing a fit, coughing, and throwing up.

Perfect. 

I ask him to get up and go wash his hands while I rinse his blankets out. I lean over the balcony, and ask my friend Erika to keep T downstairs while I clean up the mess. She's rocking 10 week old baby M and as soon as we finish our exchange, all the fire alarms in the house go off. 

G looks at me, terrified. I tell him it's okay, and I bring him downstairs. Erika and I are trying to keep our cool. We get T to sit at the stairs by the door with G, too. I wake the girls, J and P, and bring them downstairs. There's a burning smell, but no fire, anywhere. We call the parents - all 6 of them. Finally, an answer. We call the gatehouse of the sub division we're watching the kids in.

We wait by the door, and try to figure out what the heck is going on. Finally, after 15 minutes and G and T crying, scared, the alarms go off as suddenly as they came.

Erika and I look at each other with relief.

"Were you scared?" she asks me.

"duh. Scariest moment I've ever had babysitting."

I then get the girls and put them back to bed, one at a time; J first. I put P down, and go up to check on J, and she's pooped...literally. So I change her diaper while she drifts off.

I go back downstairs and throw G's blankets in the dryer...put on a movie for the boys, and get myself a bowl of javachip ice cream. 

Breathe. 

Finally, G's blankets are dry...I put him to bed. And just as he's about to fall asleep, mom and dad get home, and we're back to square one with the bedtime routine.

I can honestly say, I don't think I've ever felt like I earned my money like I did last night. 

Ever.

xoxo, Ruthanne

Oh, yeah, and the winner is miss Jamie Dawn..I sent you an email, dear! congrats to you!

2013.

Oh, my word, friends. 2013 is upon us; how is this even possible?   I am so excited and so nervous for this year. I finish high school. I'm turning 18. I might be moving 2,000 miles away to go to school. It's crazy how fast 2012 went by.   I wanted to share with you a little bit of what I want to happen this year; not any new years resolutions, but just things I'm excited/praying for, or things I want to do, try, etc, in no particular order.   I can't wait to graduate. I want to get better at guitar and piano. I want to take singing lessons. I want to save more money than I spend. I want to love more. I want to encourage others more. I want to spend more time in the Word. I want to sing alone more; sit alone in my room and just worship. I want to take more photos of life. And after I take them, I want to make them into a book. I want to pour into young hearts. I want to smile at strangers more. I want to remember the weight my Father bore for my sins every day. I want to write at least 26 songs. I want to get to a place where I am comfortable sharing this blog with those in my life. I want to volunteer at the senior center once or twice a month. I want to pray for people more. I want to make more healthy treats. And stay active and healthy. I want those I love to know that I love them. I want to have a vintage soda shop 18th birthday party. I want to spent less time on my phone and more with the people around me. I want to take my sisters on dates. I want to live a life that demonstrates His love.   I will add to this list, I'm sure, and with time, link posts that relate to each item.   I'm off to go work - I've spent 30+ hours nannying since last Thursday and have another 20 to finish this week out; so I'm sorry I haven't been posting lately! I'l announce the giveaway winner tonight, I promise!   xoxo, Ruthanne

late night pondering

I sit here tonight, awaiting the parents of a couple kids I babysit to come home and let me return to my house and fall into bed.

I am so tired. And I still have another 30+ hours of babysitting booked over the next week.

Tonight, amidst the chaos that is my life lately, I sit here pondering what is to come. I feel absolutely terrified. I feel run down. I feel doubt. I feel like there is something horrible coming my way and I'm not even close to being prepared for it. I feel as though I'm not ready to move forward. But at the same time, I can't wait to just go and get on with it.

And that is why I feel joy and peace, knowing my Jesus was born into this world of evil and died bearing my sins; to make all of that okay, and to give me the ability to press on, knowing He's got this.

Tonight I feel. Tonight I ache. Tonight I wonder. Tonight I choose to accept His sovereignty. Tonight, and every night, I belong to Him.

sometimes he says "no".

I've learned something this past month, beyond hearing it and knowing it's true, rather than having it actually happen to me.

Sometimes God says no.

I know, I know. I should know this by now.

But I've never really had Him tell me no quite so bluntly and clearly, and then back up His answer with so many sound reasons; reasons that he showed me.

You see, after dinner with the aforementioned boy, I felt odd. I felt just, at war with myself. If this was supposed to be, why did I feel so awful?

I brushed it off and just assumed it was me getting nervous about it actually happening. 

I prayed, after dinner, "Lord, if these feelings aren't of you, take them away. I don't want anything to do with them if they're not what you want."

The next morning, all desire to have a boyfriend who was that serious, to be in a relationship, to be dating, was gone. I had no urge to text him. The only explanation for it was Christ. My heart was changed overnight; I went to bed dreaming of his adorable face and woke up wishing I didn't have to deal with this right now.

I'm still asking Him why, but He gave me some clarity at a party this weekend. No one is ready for such a fast moving, intense relationship at 17 these days. I wish we were; that's how God created it to be; us to marry and have kids young, but the reality is that's not how it works anymore.

I'm an old soul, as you all know. I don't think like the average 17 year old (most of the time) and I rarely relate with other "average" 17 year olds. Teens in general, to be honest. But I digress; I'm an old soul, and he is too, to an extent, but he still has a long way to go before he's ready to take on the hurricane that is Ruthanne, not because he's necessarily immature, but because he's 17. I want a man, y'all. I don't want a boy  who can shave. I want a man who will pick up his cross daily and bear it; knowing it won't always be easy. I want someone who will accept me for everything I am; good and bad, and I want someone who I can love everything about, because the person they are is so much more than their flaws, and they know who they are in Christ. 

He just isn't there. And it breaks my heart; it was too good to be true, right now. But sometimes, He says no.

That being said, there is no perfect time to jump into a relationship. If the Lord brings you to it, He will bring you through it. But I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that He is telling me no right now. And it's so amazing how one triumph in one struggle brings you to a new struggle; I'm content with being single and "free" right now, really, really, really content, and I can't go or do anything yet. I'm still stuck here, waiting for Him to give me my next move. But it's all part of His plan for my life. The growing pains that come with getting older.

merry merry.

merry christmas, dear readers.