Good morning, friends. I have a touchy post for you today...I debated whether it would be appropriate or not to post about it, but I felt that it was something I needed to talk about, and some people might find encouraging and thought provoking all at the same time.
I recently posted this on my personal facebook.
"I'm pretty over the whole "why aren't you going to college?" question. So from now on, my standard answer will be: "I want to be a Disney princess, meet my Prince Charming, and live happily ever after with 3-5 children." What's funny is that it isn't so very far from reality."
You would not believe the controversy that one little status created. I got relatively encouraging feedback from some of my mom's friends and a few of mine, too. But then came the one that was absurd.
"You should go to college if you have the opportunity to go learn something. Don't be an idiot."
Whoa, there, 'pardner. Yeah, that actually happened, coming from a grown man. I did my best to hold my tongue and I responded quite politely.
"I honestly have always wanted to be a wife and mother. I have no interest in going to school for another 4-8 years. I plan on junior college, but I don't think college dictates success. Some kids want to be brain surgeons and lawyers, I want to be a mom."
This created quite the discussion; err...debate. The guy who told me not to be an "idiot" wrote me two novels about why I was making the wrong decision about not going to a four year school. In these responses, he informed me that my desire not to go to school is "self-centered, defensive, and selfish". He told me that "real men" want women with skills...
"a proverbs 31 wife, WORKS HER A** off. She is skilled and deliberate. Focused, KNOWLEDGABLE, and wise. She is her husbands crown. She can do real estate, farm, knit, weave, cook, saw, build, start a business, run a business, run a household etcccc....[cont to end of comment] real men like girls with skills, Bow hunting skills, staff skills, navigation skills, GUYS like girls with skills.... PERIOD!"
And this is where I began to cry. Maybe it was just hormones and me pms-ing, but I literally began to cry. This man, a leader in my church, thought that 1.) it was appropriate to "call out" a 17 year old girl on facebook, 2.) he knew me well enough to pass such harsh judgement in such a public form, and 3.) it was his place to reprimand me in such a way.
The post I made was meant to be funny; lighthearted. It was meant to lend a smile to a few people. It was intended to be witty and silly. But he didn't take it that way.
"BTW.... We live in the world not in disney fairly tale land. Pull your head out and come back to reality."
The sting of his words is still present. As I read over the comments he made, and the ones others made supporting me, I am brought back to previous emotions. It angers me, and it's hurtful that he felt so strongly about it to be so bold on facebook, but that I know he wouldn't be able to tell me any of that in person. I want to cry again, too, because how dare anyone tell me that I will not be a good wife and mother without a college education. And I feel bad, all at the same time, for not responding fully in grace, and still harboring some feelings of anger.
This man and I have no real relationship. Our conversations have been few and far between. He doesn't know anything about me, my life, or the things I can do. So why did it hurt so badly?
I have spent the past 6-7 years of my life preparing myself for being a skillful woman; a proverbs 31 woman. I have always loved being creative, but knowing that it pleases the Lord fueled it even more. I created this blog as a place to share some of it because it seemed very few people around me cared about my passions; but that didn't matter after I met all of you.
I have spent countless hours and days seeking to learn skills that will benefit my household someday. Ever since I can remember, I've wanted to work towards being the best wife and mother I can be someday. A proverbs 31 woman isn't perfect; she makes mistakes, and the Lord is glorified in them. Too many people get caught up in the skills she possesses instead of the heart she has. Myself included.
There will always be people who disapprove of what we do, even those within the church. And it's okay; I am relatively glad he and I had the dispute we did, because it caused me to really define (to myself) what it is I'm headed for, and what my goals are for the next phase of my life. I recently updated my
about section, and towards the end I said this:
"I can't wait to meet my Prince Charming - and while I know I have a ways to go, this is the documentation of my journey. Uncovering my identity in Him. Discovering grace. And preparing myself for whatever He calls me to next. Life after high school and before marriage."
That's what this next phase is. Life after high school and before marriage. I intend to make the very most of it, too, by golly!
But I won't back down about not going to college; I do not feel called to a four year school right now. If He calls me later, I'll go. I might fight it for a while, and I probably won't like it at first, but I'll go.
Ultimately, when we get to heaven and stand before the Lord, I'm pretty sure he's not going to be concerned with how many degrees we have, or how many A's we received in school.
It will not matter what we accomplish, but rather, who we have influenced.
Thanks for reading all of this, if you made it that far. I know I kind of ranted, but you're wonderful for enduring it. I made the following graphic for y'all...remember this always; say it to yourself daily. You are a daughter of the King. No matter what filth you are covered in; no matter what wrong decisions you make, you are lovely; and loved by Him. College or no college, mother or not, imperfect and broken; you are always lovely to the King.
xoxo, Ruthanne
