Dear husband; vol. 1

Dear husband;

I don't know you yet, or at least I don't know who you are yet. I've been thinking about you a lot lately; who you are, what you'll look like, the things you'll love. I'm wondering how tall you'll be. The color hair you'll have. If you'll be a full blown country boy, or want to travel the world.

I've been wondering what you'll think of me, when we first meet. Or if I even know you right now, even, what you think of me this month, week, day...

I'm wondering how many kids we'll have, if we're even blessed with such precious gifts.

I want so badly to know who you are. My childhood fantasies are welling up inside of me and I so badly want to see your face and know you're mine. For you to see my face and desire no one else's.

But I hear a still small voice, whispering for me to wait for you. To wait to look for you, wait to receive any man who I think could be you, just to wait and rest in His presence.

You know, my love, last week a newly married 20 something girl, prayed for us. I'd known her all of maybe three hours; and as we stood there, her hands holding mine, she started praying for our purity, strength, and for the desire to honor God to grow in our hearts. And you know what else? I cried. You may not know this yet, but I don't exactly cry.

Maybe right before "that time of the month" or when something quite terrible happens, but I don't cry.

And I did, as this woman I'd known for barely three hours prayed for me, and prayed for you. She prayed for us. Us! Us. That gives me chills and makes me smile.

I'm praying for you too though. That you're learning how to be the kind of man I need. The kind of husband I need. That your character is that of a godly man and not that of a coward. That you are good, honorable and pure. I'm praying that you love the sisters around you like sisters - and that they treat you and respect you like their brother. I'm praying that you are surrounded by only good things; and that if you're not, that you're seeing the good in them.

I love you already, so much. I can't wait for us to meet one day. I want to know you so badly; but my heart is holding out for you and you alone. It is yours forever, my love.

People laugh, but my whole life has been spent preparing myself for you. Preparing myself to be the wife you need. And I'm so not even close yet. I'm only sixteen, now. Can you believe that? Sixteen. Oh dear.

I am going to bed now; but you will be in my dreams. You always are and I can't wait for the day I look you in the eyes and know you're mine until the Lord wants you somewhere else. Oh, what a beautiful day that will be.

With all my love, devotion and adoration,
Ruthanne